


Harden My Heart

by thusforexample



Category: Rock of Ages (2012), Rock of Ages - D'Arienzo
Genre: Also a little bit of sex in there, But it's there, Character Death, Does that exist?, I put the other pairings up but this is a Lonny/Dennis fic no question, It's a lead up to death fic, M/M, No one dies until the end, Nothing too extreme, Now it does I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-20
Updated: 2012-06-20
Packaged: 2017-11-08 03:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/438863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thusforexample/pseuds/thusforexample
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the musical Rock of Ages, Dennis dies. This is a take on that happening in the film universe, some time after Sherrie and Drew leave to tour with Arsenal.</p><p>Dennis pulls through his first heart attack. What happens after?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Harden My Heart

Dennis had been complaining about chest pains all night, but even he didn’t realize how serious things were until he collapsed in his office an hour after the Bourbon Room had closed.

Lonny and Chico had been in the room when it happened. One minute Dennis was counting out the cash from the bar, the next he was clutching chest, and soon after that he was on the floor, out cold. Lonny had rushed over to him, and Chico had gone straight to the phone to call an ambulance. Lonny did his best to keep his partner, his friend, his boyfriend-whatever you wanted to call what they had-conscious, but it was a losing battle. As Dennis desperately fought to breathe, Lonny ran to the doorway and called out for help.

There weren’t a lot of people left in the Bourbon at that point; Jim, the bartender came running, and Beth, who had returned to work after a not so successful run at a different bar on the Strip, came too. Beth, thankfully, knew CPR, and kept Dennis breathing until the paramedics arrived.

The ambulance was there in ten minutes. The paramedics said Dennis was most likely having a heart attack, and put him on oxygen. As they put him on the stretcher to take him to the hospital, Lonny attempted to climb in with them. The paramedics tried to stop him, saying only immediate family members were allowed to ride along. Jim immediately came to the rescue; “Look, these two are more committed to each other than any blood relatives I’ve ever seen. If you don’t let him go along, if you make Dennis take this ride alone, I swear to God I will beat your fucking faces in with my own two hands.”

Lonny was allowed in the ambulance.

They rode to the hospital in silence. Dennis was hooked up to a heart monitor, and the paramedics didn’t seem thrilled with what they were finding on it. Dennis squeezed Lonny’s hand with everything he had, clearly terrified. Lonny squeezed back, maintaining eye contact and trying reassure him through his gaze. Don’t listen to them. Look at me. I’m right here. Holding your hand. Don’t worry. I’m here.

At the hospital, Lonny ran beside the stretcher, holding Dennis’ hand the whole way. The doctors didn’t even blink; they worked around him, administering tests, checking vitals, sticking in IVs, keeping him breathing. It was decided that Dennis would need surgery; angioplasty, the doctors told him, to unclog his artery. Lonny sat in the waiting room, feeling nervous, and lonely, and terrified that he might lose Dennis. The nurses on duty took pity on him and showed him where to get coffee and lent him money for the vending machine. One nurse in particular actually sat and talked to him for a while, until she got called away on duty.

Jim, Chico, and Beth all showed up shortly after Dennis had been brought into surgery. They had taken Beth’s car, but had lost track of the ambulance, and had gotten caught in some early morning commuter traffic on the way over. Their presence made things a little easier on Lonny, but his chest still felt tight with worry.

While Dennis was still in surgery, Lonny did his best to fill in the necessary paperwork. Jim and Chico tried to help him as best they could, reminding him of allergies and some of Dennis’ past back and knee problems from instances at concerts in years past. Beth read aloud to them from outdated magazines, trying to keep the mood light, but ultimately the group fell into a morose silence as they waited to hear the status of their employer.

Dennis ended up making it through the surgery. They were going to keep him under observation for the night, and possibly the next one unless he drastically improved in the next twenty-four hours, but otherwise he was fine. After breathing a collective sigh of relief, the group paid a visit to Dennis’ room, having stayed in the hospital long enough to be in regular visiting hours. Dennis was still hooked up to a bunch of things, and he looked a little pale, but he was in good spirits. The group let Lonny take the chair next to the bed, where he held Dennis’ hand and just smiled at him. Jim and Beth didn’t hang around long; they had been awake for almost a full twenty-four hours, and Dennis told them to take the night off. Beth was going to drive Jim home, and offered to give Chico a ride as well, but Chico said he wanted to stay for a while, and later he’d call his wife. He then left to get coffee for himself and Lonny.

After Jim and Beth left, Lonny and Dennis were a little bit more affectionate. They were not ashamed of being together, nor did they really care what other people thought about their relationship; but Jim and Beth were staff, and public displays of affection were requested to be kept to a minimum at work. For Lonny and Dennis not to follow their own rule would have been asking for it to be broken. Besides, advertising their relationship wasn’t really something either of them really cared about. They didn’t try to hide anything; people could probably have guessed at the nature of their relationship if they had tried. But they loved each other, and they chose to show it in private, with words and touches and mind-blowing sex. The world could care or not.

Chico was more aware of their relationship than others because he had been there the night they had admitted their feelings to each other. He never made a big deal of it; there wasn’t anything to make a big deal about. Chico just did his job, and still hung out with Lonny as he always had during and after work. Dennis was still his boss, so nothing changed there either. The only difference was sometimes Lonny talked to Chico about issues he and Dennis were having, like the question of potentially moving in together (they did), or whether or not Lonny should introduce Dennis to his parents (he didn’t). Chico would give his advice, and otherwise continue on with his life. It was a nice friendship.

Lonny sat on Dennis’ bed, brushing back his hair, while Dennis looked up at him and smiled.

“You’re being pretty quiet.”

“It’s to keep myself from crying,” said Lonny, brushing a tear back. “You really ok?”

“I’ve been better. But I’m alive.”

“Scared the pants off of me mate.”

Dennis gave a breathy laugh. “Sorry.”

“You’re forgiven because you’re still here. But do this again and I swear I’ll kill you myself.”

“Would you really be upset?”

“Of course I would be. I can’t lose you, Dennis. I love you too much.” Lonny studied Dennis’ hand for a moment, stroking it with his thumb. “I’d probably die of a broken heart, really.”

“Don’t say that.”

“Why not?”

“Because not living anymore because someone dies defeats the purpose of them dying. Death lets there be more life for the rest of us. It gives us more to live for, because now…now we have to live to remember them. To keep them alive in our hearts.”

Lonny smiled. “Bloody hippie.”

Dennis gave another breathy laugh. “Until the day I die. But seriously, promise me that when I die, you’ll keep going.”

“I don’t want to talk about this.”

“Promise me.”

“Who’s even saying you’ll go first?”

“Age and the fact that I just had a heart attack. Now promise me that when I die you’ll move on. I’ll haunt you forever if you don’t.”

Lonny grinned a little. “Maybe I’ll just stay miserable then so that I’ll never lose you.”

“No. My spirit will drink all the booze and sing nothing but country music until you find happiness.”

“Jesus Christ, fine! I promise. I promise that if—not when—you die, I’ll keep going.”

“And you’ll try to be happy.”

“Yes,” Lonny said, leaning in close. “I’ll try.”

Lonny kissed him, then, and kept kissing him until Chico came back in with the coffee.

\---

Dennis ended up staying two nights in the hospital, and was then discharged with a list of warnings of what to avoid until he was in better shape. Lonny had stayed glued to his side the entire time, and listened to the doctor tell Dennis all the lifestyle changes he would have to make in order to prevent another heart attack.

“I’m afraid your current lifestyle has put you in serious danger. You barely pulled through this, and some changes are going to have to be made. No more drinking. No smoking. No smoking anything, and I really mean that. Take it easy at work for a while, avoid stressful physical exercise for a few weeks, you’ll have to improve your eating habits, and no sex until you get a clean bill of health from a professional. Got it?”

“Doc, you’re asking me to give up half of my personality,” Dennis joked. “No sex or booze? Really?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Well can’t I get a little leeway?”

“Dennis, just listen to him, ok?”

Dennis turned to Lonny. “So you’re on his side now?”

“I’m on the side that keeps you alive, you git. Now listen to him, he knows what he’s talking about.”

“Well that’s easy for you to say, you’re not giving up shit. Doc, I run a nightclub on the Strip that plays rock and roll. I need to keep my business going.”

“I understand. But to keep yourself in the clear, you’re going to have to make some changes.”

Dennis put his head back and sighed, staring at the ceiling. Lonny held reached out and held his hand.

“I’ll help. We’ll get through this, I promise.”

Dennis looked over at him and squeezed his hand. “I know.”

\--- 

The first few weeks were mostly ok.

Dennis stopped eating red meat and avoided grease as much as he could, really restricting his previous diet, and making late dinners a hell of a lot trickier to manage. Lonny did all he could to help; figuring out what restaurants served salads at four in the morning, helping him buy groceries, and watching what he ate like a hawk. The coddling annoyed Dennis; he was a grown man, dammit, he could take care of himself. But even with all of his grumbling, he couldn’t deny that Lonny was actually helpful. Lonny had taken it upon himself to learn what foods were heart-healthy, and Dennis could always ask him before he tried to eat anything. Lonny after a while cooled down on the monitoring, but still took every opportunity to step in and make sure Dennis made the healthiest choice.

Giving up drinking was the more difficult task. When he took two weeks off of work, Dennis had been fine. He and Lonny poured all of the booze down the drain, and Chico got his weed. The food was replaced in the cabinets, and Dennis had mini exercises to do every morning. There was little room to cheat since Lonny was living with him. Everything was fine.

Returning to work made the “no booze” rule almost impossible. Granted, Dennis had always practiced a policy of no using the product he was selling, but he had forgotten the drinks he enjoyed with customers, the fun of getting drunk and crowd surfing while the band rocked out. He would sip where he could, which was whenever Lonny got distracted by something else in the bar, until Lonny told Jim, Beth, and Chico what the doctor had told them. Now Dennis was completely cut off, and getting more and more annoyed.

It was difficult to watch other people enjoy the lifestyle he could no longer participate in. Now it was dangerous, now he was too old for it. Not being able to forget his worries for even a few minutes of simple pleasures made the little problems around the Bourbon Room much, much worse. The condom machine was broken. The bar needed a varnish. The place was filthy, and even if you cleaned it the next morning you might as well have done nothing at all.

Stress was still dangerous for him, so Dennis did his best to lose himself in the music, to blast his radio whenever he felt himself on the brink or when he really wanted a bacon cheeseburger. It worked, actually; Dennis found himself picking better opening acts, or better new bands to headline since he was so in tune with the music. But he was listening to it almost in his sleep, getting sick of the hits on the radio and found himself delving into his old records to find new solace. This was a solution, but Dennis feared that this overuse would result in him not being able to stand rock and roll either. Then he would truly lose all the joy in his job.

He still couldn’t have sex. That was driving him up the wall, since Lonny was still the sexiest thing alive, and he couldn’t do anything about it. Sex might have at least given him a physical way to let off steam, and literal release that he could focus on for pleasure rather than on all of the pleasures he had lost. But he still couldn’t. Instead, at night, he would hold a half-naked Lonny in his arms, and comfort himself in his smell, in the feel of his form as he slowly drifted off to sleep. But it wasn’t enough. Lonny missed the sex too, and was limiting his intake of alcohol and red meat as well, putting himself on a health kick to show solidarity with Dennis and because he wanted to make sure he’d be ok a few years down the line. Dennis appreciated that. He really did.

But Lonny could cheat. And he’d be fine. And Dennis eventually found himself in the alley behind the Bourbon, drinking a secret stash of booze and occasionally eating hash browns at a nearby diner.

\--- 

Drew and Sherrie came to visit not too long after Dennis had his heart attack. The visit had actually been planned; they were still touring with Stacee Jaxx and the rest of Arsenal, and they were back in LA for a few shows before going on to Chicago. The heart attack had just given them more reason to hang around. Arsenal gave an impromptu performance at the Bourbon, a gesture on Stacee’s part, they all knew, and Drew and Sherrie played with a few of the newer bands to help get them press. Dennis was happy, and Lonny was relieved.

He had become so paranoid about keeping Dennis alive he realized he had forgotten to savor the time they actually had together. Stacee had actually helped him see that, when one night the whole gang had gone out to dinner on Stacee’s dime, and Lonny had practically ordered Dennis’ salad for him. Afterwards, when they were all back in the Bourbon, Stacee had taken Lonny aside, held him close and told him “A caged bird sings no wings.” Constance, holding baby Cinderella, later told him that Stacee meant to lighten up. Dennis needed to take care of himself.

And so Lonny let him do that. He still stayed over, but he did it to watch a movie or to spend time together. He didn’t buy all of his meals, or help him grocery shop. He stopped asking if Dennis had exercised that day, or about whether or not he had smoked weed with Chico outside. He even got Jim and Beth to cool down their watching to make sure he didn’t drink. Now it was up to Dennis to live this new lifestyle.

Lonny noticed pretty quickly how much lower his stress level got when he learned to let go. He started having fun at work again, making sure people were having a good time and letting himself loose on the dance floor. Seeing Lonny return to normal like that helped Dennis relax more too, and their time together was getting to be more like the time before the heart attack. But every so often, Lonny could swear he saw a glimmer of guilt in Dennis’ eyes whenever he went out back for something, or occasionally when he left early for work. It would only be for a second, and Lonny could almost swear he was making it all up. But then Dennis would get the look again, and Lonny would start to wonder about what he was up to again.

But no, he told himself. He wasn’t allowed to go there. Dennis was fine. The doctors said he was ok. That was the important thing. Sex would soon be an option again, so long as Dennis kept increasing his exercise regiment. That was good. It was time to finally focus on the positive.

\--- 

Drew was the one who finally caught Dennis with a bottle of whisky.

It had been inevitable, Dennis knew, but it still didn’t make the discovery any more pleasant. Drew had gone outside to find him, to have a celebratory toast over their last show in LA, and as a Not-A-Goodbye-Only-See-You-Later party. Dennis had snuck out to get himself a quick drink and then rejoin the festivities, but he had apparently timed it poorly.

Drew didn’t say anything. He just looked, clearly understanding the situation for exactly what it was, but still waiting for Dennis to say something first.

“I was just having a sip. You know. Join in on the party.” Dennis tried to smile, but Drew just kept looking at him, waiting for a real explanation. Dennis dropped his attempt at revelry and put the bottle down.

“I don’t do this very often.”

“How often is ‘not very often’?” Drew asked, walking over to him.

“Just a few drinks here and there, it won’t kill me!”

“It almost did.” Drew picked up the bottle, inspecting it. “I’m guessing you’ve been eating the wrong foods too.”

“Every now and then.”

“’Not very often,’ ‘every now and then.’”

“Look, what do you want from me?”

“I want you to care about you for a minute. Do you really want another heart attack? Was that fun for you?”

“Of course not, it’s just-”

“-It’s just not fun to have to make an effort.” Drew looked at the whisky again. “This is pretty selfish, you know.”

“I’m sorry?”

“Killing yourself like this. Trying to pretend everything’s fine, and then making sure that one day you just drop dead, without giving anyone a chance to say goodbye. I mean, Christ, don’t you know that we’d miss you? You should want to live more, not give up like this because it’s hard.”

Drew poured out the whisky on the ground. Dennis flinched to save it, but held himself back. When it was done, Drew tossed the bottle into the nearby dumpster, and looked at him again.

“You’re going to tell everyone, aren’t you?”

Drew shrugged. “I probably should. But I doubt it would help.”

He turned to go inside, and paused at the door, turning to face Dennis again. “It’s has to come from you, Dennis. But maybe you do need a wake up call.”

\--- 

Drew ended up only telling Lonny.

That ended up being the worst possible thing to do.

“How could you do that to yourself?!” Lonny shouted, pacing the living room floor. “I leave you alone and you end up drinking? Are you really that stupid?”

“I started drinking because you wouldn’t leave me alone! I felt like an idiot, like I couldn’t be trusted to feed myself!”

“Right, that’s a great reason to start drinking, to get control in your life.”

“I just needed something some of the time. I won’t drink anymore, I’m done.”

“Why should I believe you?”

“What?”

“I hound you, you sneak off. I leave you alone, you still sneak off. It’s not me, Dennis, it’s you. You made me promise to keep on living when you die. Why don’t you at least try to keep living?”

Lonny stormed for the door.

“Lonny, wait-”

“No.”

“Lonny!”

“Goodbye, Dennis.”

And Lonny slammed the door behind him.

\--- 

For a month, Dennis stayed at home feeling sorry for himself.

He called everyone he could think of looking for Lonny, but came up with nothing. Lonny didn’t have a cell phone, so there wasn’t any chance of reaching him there. He decided not to go into work, in case Lonny came home, and called work every day, to see if Lonny showed up there. Nothing came up in either case. And so on the fourth day, Dennis went out and bought himself a bottle of bourbon, and a cheeseburger, and went to town.

He did this the next day too, and added chips and pizza back into his diet. The day after was worse. And so the pattern continued until one day, sitting on the couch, in his underwear, a bottle in one hand and a fistful of french fries in the other, Dennis caught a glance of himself in the reflection of the television set as he turned it off. 

And he didn’t like what he saw.

Dennis threw out all the junk food and got healthier food. He took a shower. On an impulse he put all the alcohol down the drain, and almost instantly regretted it. He resisted the urge to go out and buy more by listening to the radio, and the next day he made himself an egg white omelet and went for a walk. The day after he went for a longer walk, and actually did some exercises before bed.

After a solid week of that, he went back to work. He immediately put everyone to work sprucing things up, and made a call to get a big headliner that Friday. He thanked Jim and Chico for taking over, who told him the Bourbon wasn’t the same without him. That night, Dennis noted the lack of regulars he was seeing; without him to pick the talent, the Bourbon was relying on old contacts, and that meant a lot of nights without music.

That Friday Dennis threw a party he called “A Reopening For The Bar That Never Closed.” They got their crowd back, and Dennis resisted the urge to drink all night. He organized more bands the next day, including a return of Arsenal and Stacee Jaxx, who were seeing an end to their tour with Von Colt, aka Drew and Sherrie. Lonny still wasn’t turning up, but Dennis did his best to focus on other things, like the Bourbon and working out.

After about a month of healthy living, Lonny came back.

He showed up in Dennis’ office, sitting where he had sat when they met all those years ago. He was wearing new clothes, and his beard had grown out a little, but his hair had stayed the same. Still his Lonny.

“You look good,” Dennis said, looking him over from the doorway.

Lonny looked him over too. “So do you.”

\--- 

The week after Lonny returned, Dennis finally went back to the doctor, who for once was pleased with his progress. Sex was now option, he said, if Dennis felt like he was up for it.

That night Lonny found out just how up for it he was.

Lonny, it turned out, had gone back to England. The night he left, he just walked, not really thinking where he was going until he saw an offer for a flight to London in the window of a travel agent’s office. He had waited around until the place opened, and got his ticket, leaving his return date open. He had stayed with his parents, who had hated his haircut but had been surprisingly happy for the visit.

After a few days, it became obvious to them that Lonny wasn’t happy. They finally managed to coax it out of him that it was heartbreak that had him feeling like this, but over who he wouldn’t say. It took him a few weeks to work up the courage, but eventually he told his dad.

“I said ‘My heart’s broken, dad, over a bloke named Dennis.’ He turned white as a ghost, and then I needed to help sit him down,” Lonny had told Dennis the first night back, as they held each other in bed. “He said ‘Pardon me, Lonny. Wasn’t expecting that.’ Mum was worse. I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head, and she didn’t talk to me for a full day. Then she came up to me before I went to bed and said, ‘Lonny, if you’re happy with this Dennis, that’s fine. But I’m going to have to meet him before it gets any more serious.’”

They had both laughed at that, and for the first time in ages they felt like they were normal.

The night the doctor told them everything was good to go, they kissed each other hungrily, with the longing they both had felt over their separation. It was the best make up sex either of them had ever had. They ripped each other’s clothes off, exploring each other’s bodies with their mouths. Dennis ran his hands through Lonny’s hair, pulling at it, while Lonny clawed at his back and bit into his shoulder. They rocked with each other, Lonny’s legs wrapped around Dennis tightly, while they continued to kiss and moan into each other’s mouths.

When they were both spent, they collapsed onto the sweaty sheets, panting and smiling, Dennis stroking Lonny’s cheek.

“I love you Dennis,” Lonny said, slowly drifting off to sleep.

“I love you too,” said Dennis, and watched his partner sleep with a smile on his face until he drifted off too.

\--- 

A little over a year after the heart attack, Sherrie and Drew got married.

Their wedding was huge, with well over three hundred people and more musical talent cramped onto one hill than anyone would have thought possible. The rehearsal dinner was held in the Bourbon, for free as a gift to the bride and groom, and the ceremony was held underneath the giant “O” in the Hollywood sign, with Lonny as the best man, with Dennis as a groomsman. The reception was held out on the Strip, literally shutting it down for the night with people running around in various states of undress and inebriation, and Arsenal acting as the primary wedding band, with others clamoring to get a chance onstage. Complete strangers joined in on the fun, dancing and drinking, but with no one making bigger fools of themselves than the wedding guests. The bride and groom sang a duet in lieu of a first dance, and received enormous applause for it.

The police and the mayor and the Women’s Church organization might have had something to say about the festivities if they hadn’t already been participating. The Maid of Honor, Sherrie’s grandmother, gave an absolutely wonderful speech, and Lonny got a ton of laughs. Drew’s parents looked a little shocked and horrified by their son’s friends and the antics of the evening, but Dennis and Lonny helped make sure they had a wonderful time as well. Chico got drunk enough to hit on Justice, the owner of the Venus Club, who responded by taking him out onto the dance floor and dancing circles around him until he admitted defeat. Jim and Beth ended up making out, and so did Lonny and Dennis, the most public the two had ever been with their relationship. The drunken guests, most of whom wouldn’t even remember the moment in the morning, cheered them on. Stacee sang a song he had written to Constance and Cinderella, who joined him during the choruses. Chico sang a song to his wife to forgive him for the Justice incident. It was a night of love, of revelry, and of joy. Lonny and Dennis cherished every moment of it.

\--- 

Dennis had his second heart attack six months after the wedding.

He had gotten better, the doctors explained. There was no doubt about that. But a blood clot, most likely from somewhere else on his body, had come lose and blocked his artery. It was very uncommon, they said, but it did happen.

Dennis didn’t pull through.

He had collapsed in the Bourbon again. The sense of déjà vu had been terrifying for everyone, but this time Sherrie, Drew, Stacee and his family were all there too. It had been quite sudden, and everyone had gathered into the office, expressing concern and trying to help. Drew called the ambulance this time, and Stacee volunteered to give CPR but Dennis refused.

Dennis looked even worse this time, looking at each of them and trying to catch his breath.

“I…love you…all,” he managed.

Each of them expressed their love in return. Lonny knelt on the floor next to him, holding his hand and trying not to cry.

He stroked Dennis’ hair and Dennis smiled at him, moving his head to tell Lonny to come closer.

His last words were to Lonny, and they were just for him.

“I…love you. Do you…remember…your promise?”

“Yes,” said Lonny, tears starting to roll down his cheeks.

“Thank you…for making my life…so much more rock and roll.”

The tears flowed freely now. “Thank you for making mine a really, really good time.”

Dennis put his hand on Lonny’s cheek, and Lonny held it there. “I…love…you,” he said.

“I love you too.”

And Dennis closed his eyes for the last time.

The second heart attack had been too much, the doctors said. He had barely survived the first, and they were so sorry that this had happened.

Lonny kissed Dennis one last time as the paramedics made it through the front door, and he could swear he felt Dennis kissing back.

Then he stopped breathing. And although Lonny had remembered his promise, the life seemed to go out of him at the same moment it went out of Dennis.


End file.
